When discussing motherhood, we often center the baby—the milestones, the firsts, the cute chaos. But what about the woman? The one who carried the child, who’s quietly figuring out who she is now that her world has shifted?

In this post, we sit down with Virgo, a mother of two beautiful children from Durban, South Africa. She shares how she’s navigating identity, joy, and the tender chaos of rediscovering herself in the middle of motherhood.

“I didn’t lose myself when I became a mother—I just had to meet a new version of me.”

Q: How has motherhood changed your sense of self?
A: Motherhood has changed my sense of self in that, often before doing or saying anything, I check myself to ensure I am not saying anything that will reflect poorly on myself or my children, because they do as they see and hear. It’s also changed everything. I defined myself by my job, social life, and routines. But when I became a mom, all of that paused, and for a while, I wasn’t sure who I was outside of diapers and nap schedules. Slowly, I’m learning that I can be both—mom and me. It just looks different now.

Q: Have you had moments where you felt like you lost yourself?
A: Definitely. I still feel lost from time to time. Still, I guess it’s different seasons we pass through in life that bring on such feelings, I cope by either journaling, sitting alone with my thoughts and self, going to a spa, and recently just not responding or answering incoming calls until I feel ready to deal with or handle whoever is calling. (Not ideal or the best, as often it’s urgent  or an emergency, but what’s the point of responding when your mental space isn’t healthy?)Especially in the early months. I was constantly touched out, exhausted, and mentally checked out. It took a while before I realized that making space for me wasn’t selfish but necessary.

Q: What do you do that’s just for you?
A: I journal when I can, study online, go to the spa, read, watch movies, and take walks without my phone. It’s not always consistent, but those tiny moments help me reconnect with myself.

Q: How do you balance your dreams with being a parent?
A: That’s still a work in progress. But I’ve started permitting myself to dream again—whether it’s writing, learning something new, or just imagining a future version of me that isn’t always running on empty. I also have boundaries for myself because my children deserve to see a fulfilled and rejuvenated mom.

Q: What advice would you give a mom feeling stuck or invisible?
A: Be gentle with yourself. Feeling stuck or invisible is very normal and okay. Always remind yourself of your individuality.  You are growing, too, not just your child. Even if the world doesn’t see your effort daily, it matters. You matter.

                                                                           
Motherhood is not a one-size-fits-all experience. It’s messy, beautiful, draining, and divine. What’s powerful is knowing that no matter how different our paths may be, we all have stories that deserve space.

If Virgo’s story spoke to you, stay tuned for our next post in this series, where we explore the quiet resilience of single motherhood—because every mom’s voice matters.