Written Love To My Growing Sons.

My adorable Children,

Someday, you will be taller than me, older than you are now, and prepared to face the world in ways that I can only dream of. However, I am writing this letter for you to read in the future, when the turmoil of youth has subsided and given way to the rhythm of maturity. You may have overlooked the tiny moments that formerly defined our days together. This is how I preserve them for you, for me, and for us.

I have seen your beginnings, from your first screams, which filled my heart with a mix of dread and happiness, to your earliest giggles, which were like music. The first time your little fingers embraced mine and told me that love could be boundless even in the tiniest touch, I was completely unaware that I required it. Your initial steps, which were shaky and hesitant, taught me that bravery sometimes comes before balance, and I still recall them. Your opening remarks were memorable; every word was a gem that reminded me that communication involves more than just words; it requires connection. And then, I’ve additionally begun to look at the last, the final time you will request me to tie your shoes, the final time you will desire me to, the last time you stretched out for me to hold you on my hip since you no longer fit there, I tucked you in without thinking. When I’m not paying attention, these lasts suddenly will sneak up on me, and even if they hurt, they will serve as a reminder for me to maintain a closer grip on the in-betweens.

One day, I will be reminded that my motherhood journey was, is, and has been and will always be one that I grew with and still grow with, but the love that extends beyond it will always remain. One day, I will look around and not see you crawling into my bed because you are scared of the monsters, and I will be reminded that I protected you and you trusted me to protect you from the bad dreams. No one will be asking for the food that was not readily available, counting down on the times I hoped you would be in bed. My car will have empty back seats. I will look around my house, and you will all be grown and out in the world, living your dreams. Even on the hard days, Chaotic days, or when I felt defeated, and when a few people thought I wasn’t protecting you, I will be reminded that they were not the right people to tell me who I am or who I was for you. I hope you stay soft even when the world asks you to toughen up, and I hope you cry when there’s a need for you to show emotion; it is not a sign of weakness. My Motherhood journey has been and continues to be unique, and it is a good one. I will hold these pieces dear to me, not because you will not be there, but because I will know that I did what was best for you.

The outside world will teach you many things, including the value of toughness over kindness, the numerical measurement of success, and the equation of vulnerability with weakness. But you should never forget that the world’s opinion has never been and will never be the source of your value. It stems from who you are and who you continue to become. When life feels too heavy, feel free to express your emotions, love openly, weep when it hurts, and laugh often. You have permission to fall, get back up, and take your time to learn what brings you happiness.

I promise to be there for you as your mother, not faultlessly, not always gracefully, but completely. To encourage you in all your moments, great and little, whether you are standing on a stage or sitting in a quiet room, I will make an effort to be there, in the classroom, or just getting through a tough day. I will be here for you, listening, holding, directing when you need it, and stepping back when you need space. Even if the world changes and I am unable to protect you from everything, I promise to be there, cheering you on.

Perhaps you won’t ever recall every bedtime story, every lunch made with affection, or every kiss that was placed on your brow before you fell asleep. However, I hope you keep in mind that you were cherished throughout every beginning, every end, and every interval in between.

With all the love in my heart,
Mom.